F.O.M.O

Hi all,
FOMO stands for Fear Of Missing Out!
It is something that I have felt for a while. I find myself saying; I haven't been to Europe yet, or Ohhh crap I haven't done whatever it is that my friends have done. Then FOMO kicks in and you start to wonder what you have missed out on and then I feel worthless. I am done with it. My life is great and I have some of the worlds most amazing friends and I am worth a lot more then I give myself credit for.
I find myself this morning, finding a new fear in my life, and I know there are many singles out there that have felt it and it is this. I am afraid of living life to the fullest because I am afraid of missing out on my future husband. What a dumb fear, I know but it is there in the back of my mind, I need to let it go and live my life, travel, and have fun. Easier said then done, especially living in Utah. Where marriage is shoved down your throat and if your not married by 26 people start looking at you as a failure. They seem to forget about all you have done and about all you have gained. Because culture in this state, is all about getting married young to a guy you barely know and have kids and you just make things work. Not saying that is wrong, but for me and many, many  of my friends this just isn't the case, we haven't found the one that has swept us off of our feet yet and we continue to live our lives to the most fullest we can.
As I type this I find myself saying out loud, where and why am I holding onto this fear? And it really is Utah's messed up culture, I am not a failure I am normal and I am dancing to a different drum beat.
I have lived 3 decades without a guy in my life helping me and loving me.  I think I can survive this world without one. I know, I know, fears are interesting things. I think it is time I stop letting the fear of finding the one go and start living. I need to stop settling for men that are idiots and start living my dreams out and to let this fear that I am not good enough go and make the first few steps, so I am closer to being the women I have always wanted to be.
I am done with the low living, crappy men and the crappy environments, I have found myself allowing into my life.  I am ready for loving more fully and not being scared to be who I am. I am also sick of people who I call friends being mean to me and not supporting me in my dreams as I support them in thiers.
I have gone throw a lot in my life and I love life, I just hate this fear that I am in the process of letting go.
Now this doesn't mean I don't want to get married, cause I do. What it means is I don't want to miss out on life cause I am scared of this guy not coming into my life. So I must live my life I have dreams in my head and I want to go and live them and not miss out on fulfilling my life.
So there you have it, My biggest fear.
Thanks for reading.