Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

Hi all,
I am suffering in quiet from postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I don't want to be judged and made fun of, cause that has been my lot in life, everyone seems to make fun of me or tease me when I am in serious need of help. So in quiet I suffer and pain builds pain, and hurt grows bigger and bigger and i become an evil gross monster that I don't even want to be around. I feel all alone in a world where people could help me and I look at them like they just want to hurt me.
This damn depression was set off after I had my little munchkin who I love more than anything in this world. She is my all and everything. I didn't know I could love someone as much as I love her and yet behind all this love, I find myself questioning everything and wondering why I am not fully happy.
Why with such a great blessing in my life, why I can not smile and laugh and enjoy the hardships of being a new mother. There it is, the depression, which then makes my anxiety hold me hostage in my own head, body and home.  I don't want to do anything and I don't want people to come and be kind to me. Which sets of my emotional eating habits that are horrible thing to have as well. Either don't eat at all or over eat everything in my path.
I am broken and have fallen to so many pieces I wonder at times if I can be fixed. I look at my daughter sleeping peacefully away on the couch as I right this and all I want to do is protect her and keep her safe and not let her feel this pain I am walking through.
I have sought treatment through acupuncture in SLC and I have had one treatment and am looking forward to many more to come. After one treatment I felt like me, a me that I haven't felt like in a long, long, long time. Though that feeling was fleeting it was hopeful that my old self, the one I am comfortable with, the one that I have released, the true me can and will return, and I will be a whole me, to give to my daughter, husband, family and friends.
I haven't let many people in to know the pain, I mask up by fake smiles and pretend laughs. If people could see the real me at this moment the non-smiling face and tears I suppress so deep, so I look strong and brave like a good mom is suppose to be.
For all of you that think postpartum Depression makes you want to be pregnant again is wrong, it is your hormones are so out of whack and as hard as you try you can not get them back in order, and the easiest things become a chore.
My poor super man of a husband who has had to deal with me while I have been suffering. He is an amazing guy. I hope I will heal and be able to be me a better me than I have been. My husband has also been there to support me through my decision to go the unconventional way to heal, at least in this world. I don't want a dr to give me a pill to just mask the problem even more and keep suppressing my feelings deeper and deeper in me. I am not saying the way I chose is the only way to heal it, you got to do what is best for you. The way I chose is what was best for me.
I need to get going with my busy day that lies ahead of me of changing diapers, feeding, playing singing, repeat till bedtime kind of day.
I will post a post I wrote while I was suffering in the thick of it all to show the real side effects of this horrible monster that has consumed my life.